How is he going to have a relationship with an unseen God, when he doesn’t seem to want a relationship with people he sees?
That’s the question that circled my brain not long after my son was diagnosed with autism. I remember standing over his bed one night staring at his face, crying. It had been a day filled with tantrums and avoidance. He just wanted to be left alone. It made me sad to watch his sibling try to interact with him only to have their gestures met with screams and hitting. The only time he wanted me was when he needed something that he couldn’t get himself. He didn’t even come to me for comfort when he was sad or upset. I grieved for a relationship that would never be.
As I cried out to God, asking for help and comfort, questions flooded my head. How am I going to teach him about You, God? How am I going to teach him about having a relationship with You when he doesn’t seem to want a relationship with the people he lives with? How will he know You and Your saving grace, Your comfort, Your peace?
I later told a friend about my questions. She lovingly reminded me that God had created my son and knew all about his disability. She reminded me that God already knew how He would reveal Himself to my son. He knew my son’s heart. God had it covered. I was just to trust. Trust God’s plan. Trust God’s leading. Trust.
It seems like a simple thing to do especially when you are talking about trusting God who is loving, all knowing, and sovereign. But, there have been days when it’s hard. Days when I wondered if my son could really believe in a God he cannot see.
So I trust. And God gives me glimpses of what He’s doing. My son uses his beautiful voice to sing praise songs every chance he gets, even if it’s in the middle of a crowded store. He prays for healing when he’s sick, trusting that God will make him better. He wears a cross every day so that others know he follows Christ.
I celebrate those things. I thank God for allowing me to see His work. And I continue to trust…