Today my daughter and I went to Toys R Us. To be honest, I haven’t been to that store for a very long time. Partly because my kids are older and the things they want aren’t found there, and because I do a lot of my shopping on line. But my daughter was looking for a fun gift for a friend’s birthday and it was the place we knew we could find it. We quickly found the toy she was looking for and headed to the check out.
As soon as we got there, I could feel the frustration rising. We had one toy. The lady in front of us had several items, including audio books, stuffed animals, kitchen toy sets, and a few large plastic toys. When I heard her ask the cashier to check the prices of the books, I rolled my eyes thinking of the 7 girls on their way to my house for a party. I may have even sighed. The fact that she had two small children with her assured me that this would not be a quick transaction.
She turned to us and mouthed ‘sorry’. I curtly smiled as if I was being gracious. I heard my daughter bubbly respond with, ‘oh that’s okay!’ as she smiled at the children. I’d like to say that my heart softened and was filled with patience. It was not. I kept thinking about the time and how it was running out.
Then I heard the mom asking the cashier about their layaway program and return policy. You’ve got to be kidding me!, I screamed in my head. I started looking around to see if there were any other employees around to check us out. There were none. I again looked at our one toy and thought how this should not have to take this long.
About that time, her young son was becoming agitated. He started to cry and tried to crawl out of the cart. My daughter and I, and the now several people behind us, watched the boy. When it seemed that he was getting into a dangerous position, I had my daughter go to him so he didn’t tumble out onto the floor. The young mom turned around again, picked up her son, and smiled that smile every frazzled mom has used.
That’s when I felt it. The sharp pain deep in my chest. I had given that same smile hundreds of times when my kids were younger. That smile of, please forgive me, I know I’m taking longer than you’d like, I know my kids are screaming, but I’m doing the best that I can. That smile that I so hoped would be met with loving, caring faces full of grace and mercy.
Now, years later when met with that smile, I was not gracious or merciful. I wasn’t compassionate or understanding. I was impatient and rude. I was so focused on myself, my time, my concerns that I had overlooked the woman standing right in front of me. I had seen her as an obstacle instead of a person. I focused only on my desires instead of seeing her need. I considered being on time of greater importance than offering grace.
I wish I could go back and act differently. I wish I could offer her help, or a smile filled with love and mercy. More so, I wish I could offer her words of encouragement and understanding. Words that would have reminded her that someone sees her, she’s not an annoyance, she’s doing a good job, and she’s not alone.
I can’t go back, but I can move forward with a new, softened heart; reminded once again that people, not time or schedules, are most important to God. And since loving them is His priority, it should be mine as well.
