{"id":626,"date":"2017-03-29T14:58:52","date_gmt":"2017-03-29T19:58:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=626"},"modified":"2017-03-29T15:17:41","modified_gmt":"2017-03-29T20:17:41","slug":"an-artist-repents-the-act-of-beginning-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=626","title":{"rendered":"An Artist Repents: The Art of Beginning Again"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>While helping my son study for his test in art class, we read about Philip Gaston, an artist who\u00a0allowed himself to be filmed while painting.\u00a0 At the end of the film, he covered the picture he had just<\/em> painted with a layer of white paint so he could begin again.\u00a0 When asked why he would do such a thing, he replied that he accepted setbacks as normal and even necessary.\u00a0 His experience told him that revision would allow an idea to grow beyond an obvious or familiar starting point.<\/p>\n

Sometimes you just have to begin again<\/strong><\/h3>\n

For the last several months, I’ve been trying to rework things to fit into my new season of life.\u00a0 I’ve been trying to transition into my new neighborhood and new church just as I have with our previous moves.\u00a0 I’ve been trying to create routines and activities like I did before.\u00a0 I’ve been trying to think of myself as the same person I’ve been for the last twenty years.\u00a0 It hasn’t worked.<\/p>\n

Life is different now.\u00a0 Instead of trying to keep up with five active teenagers in my home, I’m encouraging, supporting, and loving five college students, four from afar.\u00a0 Instead of having my kids’ friends in and out of the house filling it with energy and laughter, it’s just the three of us who can be pretty quiet.\u00a0 Instead of counters filled with backpacks and the floor with shoes, there are empty spaces.\u00a0 Instead of automatic friendships forming because our kids share the same activities or interests, there are a lot of lonely lunches and days without witty banter except with the cashier at the local HEB.<\/p>\n

There are, of course, good things.\u00a0 My husband and I have time to actually talk uninterrupted and have quick, week night dates.\u00a0 I have some extra time to\u00a0help my son at home learn the skills he’ll need to eventually\u00a0live on his own.\u00a0 I get to\u00a0hear about my kids’ new adventures and watch them become full fledged adults.\u00a0 And I have time to pursue\u00a0old and new interests.<\/p>\n

But things are not the same.\u00a0 Old ways of doing things, meeting new people, getting involved in ministry, or chasing a dream, just aren’t working.\u00a0 It’s time to reevaluate, paint the canvas white, and begin again.<\/p>\n

Reevaluate<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

I’m having to reconsider who Karen is without the various labels that have defined me for many years.\u00a0 Labels that I like.\u00a0 Labels that helped define who I was and what I did.\u00a0 Labels that helped to form my identity: wife, mother, stay at home mom, mom of multiples, mom of a special needs child.\u00a0 I can hear some of you now…you shouldn’t have let those labels define you in the first place.\u00a0 If you had just remained secure in your own identity, you wouldn’t be wh\"\"<\/a>ere you are now.\u00a0 That may be true.\u00a0 But I know I’m not the only one who struggles with identity in a season of change.\u00a0 Just ask anyone who’s retired from a job after thirty years.<\/p>\n

This process is hard.\u00a0 There are no quick and easy answers to all my questions.\u00a0 It’s requiring me to spend some time with God, shoring up my foundation of who He is and who I am in Christ.\u00a0 And He’s challenging me to embrace who He has made me<\/em> to be, not who I wish I was, who is usually someone way more talented, physically fit, creative, driven, technologically savvy, kind, loving, etc.<\/p>\n

Paint the canvas white<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n

So, I’m painting the canvas white, getting rid of some old ideas and ways of doing things.\u00a0 I’m\u00a0getting rid of my preconceived notions of what my life should look like at this moment or in the years to come.\u00a0\u00a0 This is challenging.\u00a0 I thought by now, I would be further along, more secure, more together, more…\u00a0 But I’m still in progress and I’m not really sure what’s ahead.<\/p>\n

I’m also\u00a0letting go of how I’ve done things in the past and trying new ways of approaching life and pursuing my dream.\u00a0 This is uncomfortable. \u00a0I like consistency.\u00a0 I like doing what I know.\u00a0 Trying new avenues can be unnerving.\u00a0 What if I make a fool of myself?\u00a0What if it doesn’t work?\u00a0 What if it does?<\/p>\n

Begin again<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n

Part of beginning again starts\u00a0here on my blog.\u00a0 I’ve been changing a few things, reaching out to others for help, and determining to follow through with some dreams.\u00a0 Dreams of\u00a0not only developing my writing, but of speaking more and connecting with people face to face.<\/p>\n

I’ll still be writing about life and the lessons God is teaching me in the midst of this journey.\u00a0 Some of the old me will definitely come through, but hopefully\u00a0fresh brushstrokes will appear, creating a\u00a0new work of art I hadn’t imagined before.<\/p>\n

So this is the beginning of becoming Karen.\u00a0\u00a0 My journey of abiding in God’s love, learning\u00a0and embracing\u00a0who He’s made me to be, doing what He’s called me to do, and living the abundant life He came to give.\u00a0 My hope is that as I discover Karen, you are encouraged to be YOU, the person you were created to be.\u00a0 After all,\u00a0each of us\u00a0are a\u00a0beautiful,\u00a0unique\u00a0masterpiece fashioned by God to bring Him delight and glory.\u00a0 I think it’s time to share…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

While helping my son study for his test in art class, we read about Philip Gaston, an artist who\u00a0allowed himself to be filmed while painting.\u00a0 At the end of the film, he covered the picture he had just painted with … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,19,21,20],"class_list":["post-626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-life-change","tag-new-beginnings","tag-new-seasons","tag-starting-over"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/IMG_1961.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=626"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":668,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626\/revisions\/668"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/638"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=626"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=626"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=626"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}