{"id":543,"date":"2016-09-22T19:51:27","date_gmt":"2016-09-22T19:51:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=543"},"modified":"2016-09-22T19:51:27","modified_gmt":"2016-09-22T19:51:27","slug":"i-earned-a-bravery-badge-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=543","title":{"rendered":"I Earned a Bravery Badge Today"},"content":{"rendered":"

I did something brave today.\u00a0<\/strong> \"bravery\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I almost immediately regretted it.<\/p>\n

No,\u00a0I didn’t\u00a0go\u00a0sky diving or bungee jumping.\u00a0 I didn’t go NASCAR\u00a0driving or\u00a0tame a lion.\u00a0 It was scarier than that…<\/p>\n

I told a group of Christian ladies that I sometimes have doubts\u00a0and questions about prayer.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I admitted that there are times when I just don’t understand why some prayers seem to work and others don’t.\u00a0 Or why some people seem to be able to pray and see God working while others pray for years without any answer.\u00a0 I admitted that I wasn’t sure if I could change God’s mind about a situation simply by praying.<\/p>\n

As soon as I finished speaking, I\u00a0wanted to take it all back.\u00a0 Several of the ladies started sharing their own experiences with answered prayer and how it was Satan who was trying to discourage me from praying.\u00a0 Others related scriptural events where God changed His mind because someone asked or where He invited believers to be a part of His plan by praying.\u00a0 The woman next to me elbowed me and said, “see..”; smiling as if now all my doubts where washed away.<\/p>\n

One thing was perfectly clear, I was in a room of women who had no doubts and who could give me all the answers I needed.\u00a0 I could feel my face get red. (It does\u00a0that when I feel shame)\u00a0 I so wanted to defend myself.\u00a0 I wanted to scream,\u00a0“my doubts and questions don’t mean I don’t love God.\u00a0 I’m just human.\u00a0I have questions.\u00a0 I have doubts.\u00a0 I don’t have all the answers.”<\/p>\n

Isn’t it interesting how expressing doubts and questions can be so uncomfortable in a room full of other Christians?\u00a0<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

I know these women didn’t mean to be hurtful or dismissive.\u00a0 I believe their intentions were to encourage me.\u00a0\u00a0But as I sat there, I felt small and ignorant.\u00a0 Worse, I knew\u00a0that I had done the same thing to\u00a0other women\u00a0before.<\/p>\n

My\u00a0knee jerk reaction to someone sharing doubts\u00a0is\u00a0a quick and\u00a0easy answer.\u00a0 Somehow if I can help\u00a0them put aside\u00a0their doubts, then I don’t have to deal with my own.\u00a0 Or admit that I don’t have an answer.\u00a0 And above all, I want to make sure I look<\/em> like I’m a mature Christian woman who does indeed have all\u00a0the answers to life’s difficult questions.<\/p>\n

Of course, I don’t have all the answers and pretending I do is exhausting.\u00a0 I struggle with doubts and questions.\u00a0 Some days I know that if I prayed for the mountain to move, it would.\u00a0 Other days, I’m not so sure.\u00a0 And I’m mostly okay with that.\u00a0 So is God.\u00a0 We’re working on it together.<\/p>\n

\"courage\"<\/a>So next week, I’m going to be brave again; showing up to bible study with all my questions in tow….<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I did something brave today.\u00a0 I almost immediately regretted it. No,\u00a0I didn’t\u00a0go\u00a0sky diving or bungee jumping.\u00a0 I didn’t go NASCAR\u00a0driving or\u00a0tame a lion.\u00a0 It was scarier than that… I told a group of Christian ladies that I sometimes have doubts\u00a0and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":544,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[14,15],"class_list":["post-543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-bravery","tag-doubts"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/bravery.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/543","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=543"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/543\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":552,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/543\/revisions\/552"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/544"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=543"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=543"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=543"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}