{"id":278,"date":"2015-10-22T15:01:53","date_gmt":"2015-10-22T15:01:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=278"},"modified":"2015-10-22T15:03:56","modified_gmt":"2015-10-22T15:03:56","slug":"infant-loss-month","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/?p=278","title":{"rendered":"Infant Loss Month"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"12144846_10154241716662977_5891840857218450120_n\"<\/a>Earlier this month,\u00a0a friend posted this picture on her Facebook page.\u00a0 She has been very open about her miscarriages which has encouraged other women who are grieving the same loss.\u00a0\u00a0In the comment section of the post, several women commented with the number of miscarriages they\u00a0have grieved.\u00a0 I was touched by the number of women who have suffered such a loss and the women who have suffered multiple losses.<\/p>\n

I was going to leave my own comment, but found that I just couldn’t do it.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/p>\n

My loss doesn’t count.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

When we found out I was pregnant for the first time, we were overjoyed.\u00a0 We had been praying and waiting for several years for a baby.\u00a0 When I went in for the first ultrasound and saw that there were two, I was nervous, but thrilled!\u00a0 We started trying to wrap our minds around the idea of having two infants.\u00a0\u00a0 In our excitement, we happily told family and friends.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately,\u00a0when I went in for\u00a0an ultrasound around the 10th week, I\u00a0was told\u00a0there was a problem.\u00a0 One baby was doing well, the other one had slowed down growing.\u00a0 It still had a heart beat, but it was slower than the previous time.\u00a0 I was heart broken, but hoped that somehow, the baby would be okay.<\/p>\n

They sent me to a specialist to run a few more tests, but we were told the baby would probably die.\u00a0 I went in for several more ultrasounds to watch the baby’s progress.\u00a0 It became clear, though, that the baby would not make it.\u00a0 I was devastated.<\/p>\n

I remember crying most of the way home from my last appointment.\u00a0 As I lay in bed crying, I prayed\u00a0that God would welcome our baby into heaven with open arms.\u00a0 Just typing those words cause the tears to flow all over again.<\/p>\n

My heart was broken.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I had several people who were so wonderfully supportive and caring.\u00a0 They shared their own losses and said loving and encouraging words.\u00a0 I am so thankful for them.\u00a0 But then there were the others.<\/p>\n

In\u00a0order to make the loss more palatable, I was told, this happens a lot with multiple pregnancies so I shouldn’t have counted on having both babies anyway.\u00a0 I should just count my blessings because the other baby was healthy\u00a0and other women don’t\u00a0get the ‘spare’ that I did. \u00a0 I even had one person ask, ‘Aren’t you glad?\u00a0 Twins would be so hard.”<\/p>\n

My heart was grieving, yet\u00a0so much of what I heard, told me\u00a0that I\u00a0didn’t have the right to be sad.\u00a0\u00a0 It could be so much worse.<\/p>\n

My loss didn’t count.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

So for years, I’ve shared that my daughter’s twin died, but I hesitate to be counted among the women who have suffered a miscarriage.\u00a0 (I know that sounds contradictory, but there it is.)\u00a0 In my head I hear, ‘your’s doesn’t count’.\u00a0 You still had a baby.\u00a0 You should have known one would die.\u00a0 You couldn’t have handled twins anyway. \u00a0You weren’t far enough along for it to count.<\/p>\n

But my loss does count.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

There was a baby.\u00a0 And it died.<\/p>\n

I saw it’s\u00a0head, arms, legs, and heart beat. I looked forward to finding out if it was a boy or girl.\u00a0 I wanted to see what color of hair he\/she would have.\u00a0 What would his\/her personality be like?\u00a0 Would he\/she look more like me or my husband?\u00a0 Those questions go unanswered for now; I have to wait until we meet in heaven.<\/p>\n

My baby’s life mattered.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

His\/her life mattered to me and my husband.\u00a0 We prayed for this\u00a0baby.\u00a0 We loved this baby.\u00a0 And he\/she mattered to God.\u00a0 He fearfully and wonderfully\u00a0formed\u00a0my baby and put him\/her in my\u00a0womb.\u00a0 And His works are wonderful.<\/p>\n

My loss does count.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Despite what I may have been told and the lies I chose to believe, my loss, my grief, does count.\u00a0 It’s real.\u00a0 It’s valid.\u00a0 It’s worth honoring.<\/p>\n

So today I stand to be counted among the women who have suffered such losses.\u00a0 I stand with them to honor the lives of our babies and to validate the grief we have experienced.\u00a0 Our babies mattered.\u00a0 Our losses count.\u00a0 Our grief is real and valid.\u00a0 And we remember them always.\"thCAN95TC6\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Earlier this month,\u00a0a friend posted this picture on her Facebook page.\u00a0 She has been very open about her miscarriages which has encouraged other women who are grieving the same loss.\u00a0\u00a0In the comment section of the post, several women commented with … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":364,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/thCAJ7GXLV.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=278"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":371,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278\/revisions\/371"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/364"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}