![\"vortex-eau\"](\"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/vortex-eau.jpg\")
<\/a>I took the leap earlier this week.\u00a0 I made a simple addition error.\u00a0 Yes, I added wrong.\u00a0 But as soon as I realized my mistake, I knew there would be consequences.\u00a0 It was going to cost me money and my pride.\u00a0 I started replaying the event in my mind, hoping to bring about a different outcome.\u00a0 When\u00a0it was clear that it could not be undone,\u00a0the negative messages started flowing.<\/p>\nI thought you were smarter than that!\u00a0 How could you be so careless?\u00a0 I told you, you couldn’t do this!\u00a0 You just don’t have what it takes.\u00a0 Other people are going to see just how stupid you are now!<\/p>\n
And since those weren’t enough, I started to recall all of the other times I had made a mistake or\u00a0felt ashamed of my self.<\/p>\n
That’s when the urge to run and hide kicked in.\u00a0 I was at home alone, but was sure that soon my mistake would be seen by others.\u00a0 Where could I go?\u00a0 Where could I flee so I wouldn’t have to face others\u00a0knowing?<\/p>\n
My stomach hurt as if a vice grip had a hold of it.\u00a0\u00a0I began to pace.\u00a0\u00a0I had an intense urge to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head!<\/p>\n
I had taken the leap and was\u00a0fully\u00a0spiraling in\u00a0shame.\u00a0 I wanted relief!\u00a0\u00a0 So I began to look for the ice cream….<\/p>\n
Not finding any, I tried something else.\u00a0 I asked myself a question.<\/p>\n
Is this eternal?<\/strong><\/p>\n Does this mistake have an effect on my\u00a0eternal salvation or the eternal salvation of anyone else?\u00a0 Will this mistake cause the world to stop spinning or the\u00a0 sun to\u00a0stop shining?\u00a0 Is this a life or death situation?<\/p>\n Is this eternal?<\/strong><\/p>\n No.\u00a0 It’s frustrating.\u00a0 It’s embarrassing.\u00a0 But it’s not eternal.<\/p>\n So the rest of the afternoon, I kept repeating, ‘it’s not eternal’ over and over again in my head and sometimes out loud.<\/p>\n I could feel my\u00a0relief coming.\u00a0 And as I started to climb out of the pit of despair\u00a0I had dug for myself, I\u00a0gained perspective.\u00a0 My mistake was an error, not a character flaw.<\/p>\n I’d like to say that after a few minutes\u00a0I was able\u00a0to let it all go and return to life as usual.\u00a0 But that would be a lie.\u00a0 It took a good chunk of the day and a night’s sleep to not cringe when I thought about my mistake.<\/p>\n That’s the issue with the spiral of shame.\u00a0\u00a0 It sucks\u00a0me in and doesn’t want to let\u00a0me go.\u00a0 (Or is it, I<\/em> won’t let it<\/em> go?) \u00a0 It takes my focus from my\u00a0what I did\u00a0to who I am.\u00a0\u00a0It takes me to that place where I fear\u00a0I’m not enough….<\/p>\n But I am.\u00a0 Yes, I make mistakes and I have flaws, but I am enough.\u00a0 Being who God made me to be is enough.<\/p>\n And\u00a0mistakes of\u00a0addition are not eternal.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It usually starts with a mistake made, words spoken that can’t be taken back, an action taken, another’s judgment, or a scene replayed in my head.\u00a0 Then come the self-deprecating thoughts.\u00a0\u00a0How could you be so stupid?\u00a0 What were you thinking?\u00a0 … Continue reading