![\"whatnottoask\"](\"http:\/\/www.karen-gustafson.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/whatnottoask-300x300.jpg\")
In the last several days, I’ve seen a lot of lists of what not to say or do when you encounter someone who has.. a child with autism, suffered a loss, some difficult challenge, or…you fill in the blank.<\/p>\nIn the last several days, I’ve seen a lot of lists of what not to say or do when you encounter someone who has.. a child with autism, suffered a loss, some difficult challenge, or…you fill in the blank.<\/p>\n
I know I’ve thought of my own list for someone who has multiples.\u00a0 (No, they don’t share a brain!)\u00a0 \u00a0Mostly, the lists are helpful because they offer some insight into someone else’s perspective.\u00a0 \u00a0But, to be honest, I have found them to be off-putting of late.<\/p>\n
Could I just be reacting to the fact that I’ve said or done some of the things on the lists?\u00a0 Maybe.\u00a0\u00a0 According to the lists, I have said\u00a0and done things\u00a0that have not\u00a0been received well.\u00a0\u00a0 I have been ignorant and uncaring.\u00a0 I\u00a0have really hurt some people without intending to or knowing I did. \u00a0But I think\u00a0my unease is\u00a0more than that.<\/p>\n
See, when I think back to the times\u00a0I’ve violated the lists, it’s when I am trying to reach out and connect with someone.<\/p>\n
When I encounter someone who is doing something I’ve never\u00a0experienced or going through a difficult time, I tend to ask questions.\u00a0 Some of those questions probably sound silly and weird (which\u00a0may indicate my need to think before I ask), but often it’s a result of my lack of knowledge and my desire to know more.\u00a0 I want to understand as best I can what’s happening.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I want to know what the other person is experiencing and feeling.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I’m looking for things we have in common.\u00a0 \u00a0I’m\u00a0looking for a way to connect.\u00a0 And, often, I’m looking for ways that I might be able to help or encourage.\u00a0 In doing so, I violate the lists.<\/p>\n
So I become reluctant to enter in.\u00a0 I hesitate to ask questions.\u00a0\u00a0I don’t pursue connection.<\/p>\n
But God created us for connection.\u00a0 We need it.\u00a0 We long for it.\u00a0 We wither without it.<\/p>\n
So to all of you whom I have asked dumb questions or hurt in some way, I’m sorry.\u00a0 It was not my intention to cause you pain or suffering.<\/p>\n
But I can no longer let my fear of violating the lists keep me from trying to connect.\u00a0 I will run the risk of sounding stupid\u00a0or saying something wrong.\u00a0 Connection is worth it….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the last several days, I’ve seen a lot of lists of what not to say or do when you encounter someone who has.. a child with autism, suffered a loss, some difficult challenge, or…you fill in the blank. I … Continue reading